


Sunday Morning Catastrophe

by askatvmv



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Clint Barton is a Walking Disaster, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective!Bucky, There will be no Civil War in my world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 19:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7375297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askatvmv/pseuds/askatvmv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dating a human tragic disaster is harder than James thought. It requires not only love but also a lot of physical and mental strength. (8th July : Fixed some mistakes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunday Morning Catastrophe

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so please be gentle. Hope it's readable!  
> Japanese version is [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7435707).

“Batteries? What do you need them for?” James gave a questioning look to his boyfriend. Living with the most brilliant engineer in the world certainly did not require that kind of things. The man was capable of making them from scratch, only when he felt nostalgic and was not in the mood for building something much better like Arc reactor, which he had no idea how it worked.

“Cassette tape recorder,” Clint explained simply as he walked beside James on the busy street in Manhattan. “You know what that is? It’s like an old version of MP3 player except we can’t put music in it directly. Well, I did say ‘cassette tape recorder’ so you can probably figure out the rest by yourself.”

James knew exactly what it was from one of the movies he’d watched with Steve for modern culture education but decided not to interrupt. The archer’s sleepy rumbling was too adorable to disturb. Not that he would say that out loud though.

“Anyway, Coulson called me the other day, saying he found this cassette tape I thought I’d lost when I got arrested sixteen years ago. The cops were so sloppy that they couldn’t even keep my belongings for a week. It was gone by the time I made the deal and joined the army, or that’s what I believed until five days ago.” The archer seemed indifferent like he was talking about someone else. “But apparently, it’s been in their storage all along and some intern found it during his chore. Out of curiosity or kindness, he accidentally set off the SHILED security alarm by searching me in the government record with the alias in my military day. So, Coulson identified the intern, collected the tape along with the other stuffs then sent them to me. It was lucky Bruce has a recorder.”

“So… you were in the army?” All James asked was about batteries and now he had so many new questions. He regretted letting Clint keep talking in his current condition. “How long? Wait, what did you get arrested for in the first place? And why did SHIELD set the alarm on your record if it’s not even real?”

The archer stopped walking abruptly then turned to face James. It was more than obvious that he finally became aware what he’d been telling and was trying to set things right. But words didn’t come out for good ten seconds.

He knew it wasn’t like Clint wanted to hide his personal information on purpose. In their line of work, there were things that’d be better to remain hidden. Otherwise, they could never stop worrying about each other. On top of that, Clint Barton was well known for his habit of throwing himself into troubles with or without conscious, so digging out everything he’d been through would not do any good for James’ mental health.

They stood in silence face-to face in the middle of the street while people had been giving them either curious or annoyed look.

“I could answer all of your questions if you want but can I get my coffee first?” It was Clint who broke the ice. He was wearing the miserable puppy face that could almost make everyone give in right away.

Sighing heavily, James shook his head. He was going to need more than a cup of coffee himself to endure hearing his boyfriend’s yet another tragic adventures anyway. “Fine. But at least tell me what’s in the tape.”

“Oh, it’s just a random music mix. Barney gave it to me on my birthday.” Clint answered as he started leading the rest of the way to their favorite coffee shop.

 _So he must’ve been no older than four,_ James guessed based on his knowledge of the first time Clint had nearly lost his hearing. He still felt uncontrollable anger bubbling up from his stomach every time he remembered what Barton senior had done to his son. After putting aside the sudden urge to punch someone, he decided to follow the archer. “Can I listen to it?” The word came out from his mouth before he knew it.

Clint seemed taken back at the request but then he kissed him on the cheek, smiling softly. “Sure, why not?” James could tell that the archer was still in a half asleep mode because if not, he wouldn’t have tripped on a bump and clung on to his boyfriend to avoid hitting his face on the ground. For a man with an extraordinary observant eye, he could be really clumsy sometimes. “Shit, I need caffeine.”

“Tell me about it,” James replied with a small laugh as helped Clint to get on his feet but kept a hand on his waist until they got into the shop.

It was nine in the morning and the house was filled with all kinds of people. He counted six customers waiting in the line, talking to one another or typing something on their cell phones but none of them were looking at the menu. That meant they were all regulars. The best coffee in the town and the tasty food with decent price, it was no wonder the place was so popular. Ten minutes of waiting would be totally worth it.

Clint slipped out of James’ arm and turned his eyes to the entrance. “I’ll go get batteries at the store across the street. Buy me the usual, will you?”

“You just don’t wanna wait, do you?”

“You know me so well.” The archer grinned at him before he headed to the door.

James shook his head for the second time in the morning. He was about to call out to his boyfriend to stay away from trouble but kept his mouth shut instead. _Better not to jinx it_ , he decided.

Getting in the line, he started wondering about what Clint had said earlier. Thinking about his age, the archer had started working for SHIELD after he'd joined the army. James had always thought he'd been recruited by Coulson at the circus. He knew it sounded kind of far-fetched but there wasn’t much information he could use to speculate anything else, not until now. It had been only two months since they‘d officially become a thing after all and opening up to others was definitely not an easy task for both of them.

Came to think of it, maybe the unintentional revelation could be a sign that their relationship was actually heading in the right direction. Clint could be clumsy and careless when he was drowsy but he would never let his guard down that easily. That could mean the archer trusted him in subconscious level. Considering their very first conversation, the progress was remarkable. _“Who the hell are you?”_ and _“Did you just come out of the vent?”_ wasn’t exactly a good start.

It still felt a little bit surreal that he had a life like this. Escaping from Hydra and becoming the member of the Avengers was a second chance he’d never imagined to be given. However, even after he’d started fighting against bad guys along with superheroes, he had not expected to find his happiness in future. Simply because it was too much to ask for someone who had taken so many lives in cold blood, whether he’d been manipulated or not. But then, he’d met Clint Barton. The man who shared the same experience with his and yet stood up straight, being ready to accept whatever lied ahead of him.

Also, the archer had this unique ability to find simple yet essential answers to the most difficult problem. There was almost nothing complicated in Clint’s mind and James could breathe more easily around him. It was so encouraging to have someone like that after all things he’d been through. If Steve had shown him the way to live for others, Clint had given him the reason to live his own life again. And now he’d got a glimpse of happiness. Dating with a human tragic disaster was not easy but James had no intention of letting Clint go unless the man wanted otherwise.

The cashier was getting closer. Maybe in two minutes or so, he would be ordering two cups of coffee and the usual pastries. Another customer took his paper bag and headed toward the exit. The door was opened for only few seconds but his enhanced hearing caught a strange hum of voices outside. Looking at the clock on the wall, uneasy feeling was beginning to rise from his chest. Buying batteries from just across the street should not have taken this long.

James didn’t hesitate a second to leave the line and walked to the exit with long strides. As soon as he stepped out of the shop, he saw a bunch of people surrounding the store where his boyfriend was supposed to be. They were all murmuring something incoherent.

_What has he done this time?_

He was pretty sure the archer wasn’t inside of the store anymore. So instead of pushing his way through the crowd, he reached his phone and called him. It didn’t take much time to be connected. “Clint, where the hell are you?” A brief silence from the other man only made him anxious.

_“Uh… I really don’t know right now.”_

The answer confirmed his concern. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know’? Did you get batteries?”

 _“You know, it’s kinda hard to explain but there was something in the package besides batteries and it seems like some guy wants it_ very _badly.”_

“ _What?_ ” He now realized Clint was panting heavily and that wasn’t usual for a man who was capable of taking down more than five armed men in a blink of an eye. “Are you running from someone? Why don’t you just give it to him?” There was a constant rattling in the background but he couldn’t tell what was causing it.

 _“Are you kidding me?”_ The voice was filled with disbelief. _“If someone wants something so badly that he would willingly hurt people to just get his hand on it, you should know that someone and something must be evil!”_

Under any other circumstances, James might have understood the logic Clint had suggested. But all he could think at the moment was how stupid and reckless his boyfriend could possibly be. He had to fight the urge to pull his hair out in front of the coffee shop. “So you decided to protect something you don’t even know? That’s crazy even for…”

The unmistakable familiar sound hit his ear one after another at short interval. James held his breath until it was finally over and followed by colorful curses. ”Please tell me it wasn’t gunshots.”

_“He started it!”_

“Who’s _he_?!”

_“I don’t know!”_

Growling in frustration, James tried his hardest not to crush his phone again. The last thing he wanted was to give Tony another opportunity to mock him. What he needed was to figure out what was happening to his beloved idiot who was apparently obsessed by Death itself. Even while he was trying to keep himself together, the small device in his hand kept reminding him that the situation had not gotten any better. Quite the contrary, it was getting worse.

The background had been relatively quiet during the earlier gun battle so Clint must have run to the less populated area when he’d got attacked. But now he could hear the screams of people and the sound of engines so either the archer had been dragged out to the main street or decided not to engage in hand- to-hand combat with the guy chasing after him. Whichever it was, he didn’t like it a bit.

And then, there was a big bang at the other end of the line.

Panic ran through James’ body. That couldn’t be good. That couldn’t be good _at all_. “Clint...?” He called out fearfully, praying for the safety of his boyfriend. “Clint!” The phone was still connected but it wasn’t as clear as before. The answer didn’t come. There were all kinds of noises vibrating his eardrum but the only thing he wanted to hear was missing.

Cursing under his breath, James shoved the connected phone in his jacket pocket and smashed the window of the nearest car to unlock the door. He didn’t give a shit about accusing voice from civilians as he hotwired the car. Fuck the law. Fuck the press. Stealing a car shouldn’t be a matter when another Avenger’s life was at stake and it wasn’t like he wouldn’t give it back or pay for the damage later.

Once the engine started, James hit the accelerator and reached in his pocket to take out his phone.

_“…ames? James, are you there?”_

“Oh thank god…” Every muscle in his body loosened at Clint’s voice and he nearly caused an accident himself. That would’ve been a one messed up tragedy. “What happened?” James asked as he pulled over at the intersection without looking up the traffic light.

_“Aside from almost got smashed by a truck? Nothing.”_

It seemed like the archer’s sarcastic remarks survived another near death experience, which was not surprising. James didn’t even bother to demand the details. Clint was alive and that was all that mattered for now.

The unpleasant noise was disturbing their conversation but there was no way to identify the cause when he had barely managed to pick up the words the other man had spoken. James was becoming more and more frustrated every second. “Look, I’m not driving on a hunch. Give me your location so that I can catch up with you, okay?”

_“Yeah, okay. I just passed… Aww, nooo.”_

He really, _really_ didn’t want to find out what had happened so decided to remain silent and clenched his jaw tightly, knowing all too well it was nonsense. For the stupid clueless drivers who chose _that_ moment to start honking from behind, he gave the finger through the broken window.

 _“Um… honey?“_ Clint hesitated for a split second before revealing the newest discovery. _”I didn’t want to believe it until now but I think he’s not a human.”_

Had he heard wrong? He wished he’d heard wrong. “What makes you say that?”

_“He’s running at same speed as mine.”_

“Seriously? This isn’t the time to be cocky, Barton.” Surely, there were people who could run faster than the archer on this planet.

 _“Did I tell you that I’m riding on a_ goddamn motorcycle _?!”_

Well, in that case… “Shit.” James honestly didn’t know who to blame for this catastrophe but he promised himself to make his boyfriend pay for completely ruining their beautiful Sunday morning. “Just try not to die till I get there then I’m gonna kill you myself!” With that, he hung up the phone to let Clint concentrate on his task and cursed in five different languages. He had to shake off the image of Natasha’s sympathetic face at the time she’d figured out about his crush on her partner. Her point had been proven but no, he would not let the universe win this battle.

The chorus of horns stopped following the red light as he made a call to the creator of his phone. The billionaire greeted with his usual banter but James cut him off without mercy. “Stark, track Barton’s phone. _Now_.”

 _“What’s he done?”_ The genius asked him after a brief pause as he grasped the outline of the situation by just hearing the name of the archer.

“That’s what I’m trying to find out.” James pinched the bridge of his nose and led out a shaky breath. “Fifteen minutes ago, he went to the store for batteries and now he’s running from a fucking Terminator.”

_“Oh, so you do know what the Terminator is? Not so bad for a nonagenarian.”_

“Just shut up and tell me where he is!”

 _“Wow, chill out, soldier.”_ Another silence from Tony allowed him to pick up the whirring sound of holographic computer in the background. It only took two seconds before the voice came back. _”Head east and find the crumbs Katniss dropped on the way. You know how fancy he can be.”_

Finally got what he needed, James disconnected the phone and threw it on the passenger seat. He started the vehicle without waiting for the green light. The sound of screeching tires and furious horns didn’t stop him from creating the chaos but luckily, he was skilled enough to contain the damage at minimum, which meant the worst thing that could happen to the drivers was a scratch on their cars. Steve would be so proud of him.

While driving like a maniac, James hoped the word ‘crumbs’ wouldn’t be understatement, even though his ten months of interaction with Clint was telling him the hope was too high. The man could even turn the fishing simulator into the extremely high level survival action game that no one would be able to complete. Maybe he should be thankful that the island hadn’t sunk to the ocean yet.

It didn’t take him more than a few minutes to encounter the first crumb and it was a truck crashed into a light pole, obviously the one Clint had mentioned earlier on the phone. Passing by the crowded scene, James saw the ambulance making an appearance following its loud siren but it seemed no one had gotten seriously injured. The archer was surprisingly good at that.

The next one was easier to find if that was even possible. He was about to go straight through another intersection when he caught the sight of water spouting from the fire hydrant on his left. _It’s definitely Clint_ , James concluded without a doubt and turned the wheel in an urgent manner. His sudden change of direction didn’t cause a big mess because everyone else around the area was automatically slowing down to get a better view of the sight. Water got into the car through the broken window and wet James’ body as he drove madly on the flooded road.

He continued to make turns, following the lead such as burning cars, a crack in the ground and fallen trees. How that all had happened in less than thirty minutes was beyond his comprehension and it freaked him out. He needed to see Clint before looking his mind completely.

And then, as if someone granted his wish or decided to give him a new level of nightmare, a flying motorcycle came into the view. “What the…” The vehicle was running on the rooftop and jumping from one building to another. It didn’t require the archer’s eyes to identify the driver. The only man who was both foolish and crazy enough to pull that kind of suicide stunt was his boyfriend.

“Damn you, Barton!” James’ decision was quick. He abandoned the car on the road, ran to the highest apartment in the vicinity, rushed up the emergency stairs and clambered up the wall with inhuman speed. It was painful to let Clint out of his sight but even super solder serum had not enabled him to watch two places at the same time.

Finally on the top of the building, James wasted no time to search for the archer. It wasn’t difficult to spot a man moving around at a hundred feet above the ground especially he was riding on a motorcycle. What upset him the most, however, was that now he could see someone chasing after him. Judging from the way the mysterious guy jumped and landed on one rooftop to another, he had to agree with Clint on _I-think-he’s-not-a-human_ theory. Not that it would change anything.

He started running toward his boyfriend in the same manner as the guy but with a different route. The archer didn’t seem to have specific destination so either he was buying himself some time to just think or waiting for James to catch up with him. Since Clint’s idea had always led to a bad outcome, he hoped it would be the latter.

Jumping from the building to another was not as fun as it looked and the gap between the archer and the guy was slowly but surely closing, right in from of his eyes. To say he was frustrating was understatement. He was _desperate_.

“Clint!” He called out as loud as he could to let his boyfriend know he was there but the response didn’t come. Maybe he was still too far away, maybe there was something wrong with the hearing aid, he didn’t know. He didn’t know how badly Clint was injured or how much time he had before the worst nightmare became reality. All he could do was run so he kept running, faster than he’d ever been.

He was only three buildings away when Clint suddenly turned around to face the chaser as if he was waiting for the guy to catch up. The guy landed on the rooftop and stopped as well. James watched them looking at each other from either end of the edge. He was approaching from their right side so neither one of them seemed to notice his presence.

And then, Clint drove toward the guy at full speed, pushed him over the edge and fell off the building with the vehicle.

James’ heart stopped beating momentarily before it started pumping dangerously fast. “Clint!” He called out again, ignoring the horrible sound of something crashed into the pavement.

 _He could have survived. He_ should _have survived._ James repeated it like a mantra in his head while jumping from one rooftop to another. When he finally reached the site, he almost threw himself off the building by rushing too fast.

James half expected to find Clint’s body on the ground as he knelt and timidly looked down. But what he saw was entirely different.

“Oh, good. He’s done with regenerating.” There he was. Swinging along the wall just a few feet below was the one and only Clint Barton. He was hanging from the water tank ladder with the rope attached to his tactical belt that Tony had given him for daily use and watching at the very human like body in the pool of unknown black liquid on the ground. So the guy really was a Terminator.

“You crazy son of a bitch…” James muttered as all the tension in his body was released at the sight of his boyfriend and thanked the billionaire for being obsessed with perfection. Equipping the belt with a collapsible grappling hook was a brilliant idea if it had been made for a man like Clint. “What the hell were you thinking? Do you have a death wish or something?”

The archer didn’t respond to the insult and just kept looking down at the desolate alley. James figured his earlier suspicion about the hearing aid was right so instead of opening his mouth again, he took out a five cent from his pocket and dropped it on Clint’s head. It certainly earned the archer’s attention.

Finally acknowledged James’ presence, Clint showed his childish grin. “Oh, hey! I missed you!” He seemed a bit too excited, probably due to the adrenaline rush. There were bruises and small cuts all over his face.

James could no longer hold his anger and sighed. “You’re fucking unbelievable, you know that?”

“Thanks, honey.” The archer’s grin grew wider as he continued to swing slightly along the filthy wall.

James rolled his eyes and was about to reach out to his boyfriend when he heard the disquieting screeching metal sound. The next thing he knew, the archer was falling down.

Snapping out of his initial shock, James leaned forward from the edge of the rooftop and grabbed the rope with his metal hand to prevent further fall. The look on Clint’s face told him he was just as surprised as him. After making sure the crisis had been averted, he led out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. It was the rusty ladder, giving away under the weight of an adult human body. He consciously tried not to think about what could’ve happened if he hadn’t made it on time.

“Don’t. Move,” he commanded his boyfriend with a stern voice. His heart couldn’t take another dreadful surprise.

Clint nodded multiple times without words while literally holding onto the rope for dear life with his eyes still wide open in shock.

James hauled up the rope carefully until the archer got within his reach and held out his right hand. Once he took Clint’s hand, he practically tossed him into the sky by yanking too hard. It happened sometimes when he was on the edge. He apologized after catching his boyfriend in his arms even though he knew the archer couldn’t hear him.

“Thank you.” As if to wipe away the apology, Clint mumbled in James’ neck and loosely put his arms around him.

They stayed in silence for a while to relish the moment of peace. James swore he’d aged at least five years in a day but he was already ninety eight so didn’t really feel the need to care. His only concern was that the archer seemed to be avoiding tight hug for some reason. He kind of got why from experience and led go of his boyfriend to confirm his suspicion. “Cracked or broken?”

Clint looked genuinely confused for a second before clearing his throat and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “Well, they didn’t puncture any organs so it should be fine.”

James didn’t miss the word ‘they’ and narrowed his eyes. He was ninety-nine percent sure that Clint was still trying to hide some of his injuries under the clothes, possibly forgetting about their relationship and thinking he could keep it that way as long as he wanted. He had to teach him later that it was a very bad and wrong idea. For now, he only lifted up the other man’s chin to inspect the wounds on his face. The archer didn’t protest.

And just when he was done with playing doctor, he heard familiar whizzing sound. The red metal suit came into his view soon after and it landed next to him.

“Please tell me you secured the switch.” Facing the archer, Iron Man spoke with his mask on. When he didn’t get a response except for the confused look from his team mate, he turned to face James questioningly.

“He broke his hearing aid.” James explained.

The billionaire dropped his shoulder in what seemed like disappointment. “Again? I repaired them only two weeks ago.”

“Why don’t you just give him new _ears_?”

“Oh, I’ve been working on it,” Tony answered like he was talking about baking a cake. “There are some complications. Nothing I can’t handle though.”

James should’ve known better. Of course the genius was capable of creating human organs or more specifically, building a machine that would do the work for him. He was Tony Stark after all.

“You know, I’m deaf but not stupid. I know you guys are talking about me.” Clint chose that moment to cut in. He sounded more tired than annoyed.

James shared a look with Tony and shrugged.

“You secured the switch?” The billionaire asked the archer once his face was exposed.

Clint frowned at the unexpected word as he took out the small object from the inside pocket of his jacket and hand it to the man. “This is a switch? For what?”

Tony inspected the so-called switch with his naked eye since the scan system required the other one. “Well, after I hang up on the very edgy living fossil here,” he paused only for a moment to receive a glare from James. “I did a little digging which I mean hacking into the government network. Turned out, the store you got your batteries from was where the former terrorist decided to hide this switch to prevent the future tragedy. He double crossed his organization, stole the switch and contacted the authorities to have them secure it. But before they got to the store, _someone_ accidentally found it first and was spotted by the evil droid whose employer had been also planning to destroy the city by ‘causing massive blackout’.” The genius emphasized the last part then opened the panel on the metal arm and put the small device inside.

Finally got the whole picture, James looked at his boyfriend in awe. He always knew Clint was born under an unlucky star but the way the universe worked on him was too different from the other and it gave him a silly idea like, ‘how was this not considered as a violation of the natural order?’

“That’s what this is all about? A blackout?” Never realized what James was thinking, Clint questioned skeptically.

“Yep,” the billionaire answered casually. “JARVIS located the main device too so that I can disable it for good.”

“How massive you’re talking?” Putting aside the disturbing thoughts, James decided to participate in the conversation.

Tony dropped his usual playful attitude and that alone was enough to make people anxious. “The entire city except my tower. Could’ve been a nightmare.”

A silence fell upon them for a while. James was just grateful that the incident hadn’t happened. Only shutting down the all traffic lights could’ve caused absolute chaos. The thing that he and Clint had done today was nothing compared to it. Not that he was trying to justify his action though.

“So…,” It was the archer who found his voice first. He looked at Tony and James one by one then went back to face Tony before opening his mouth again. “I accidentally saved the city from total disaster?” It was obvious that he was still having a hard time sorting out all the information he’d been told in his head.

James had the same problem but he was more focused on the part that his boyfriend had survived the unfortunate encounter with killer droid and was in deep consideration of whether he should put him on a leash in order to keep an eye on him 24/7. He didn’t have a power to break whatever the curse Clint was carrying around but at least he wanted to be by his side when something happened.

The billionaire seemed to come up with the right word for the archer and smirked at him. “Barton, you are a miracle worker.” With that, he put his mask on then flew away.

Clint made a funny face at the comment, probably being unable to decide if that was a compliment or insult. He looked at James as if to seek his opinion.

James shook his head and sighed tiredly. “Miracle or not, if you ever do that again, I swear to god I’m gonna strangle you.”

“Even if it’s not really my fault?” Clint asked as he cautiously read James’ expression like a scold child but he quickly withdrew his words after getting defeated by a dangerous growl. “Got it.”

“Good.” Satisfied by the answer, James pulled his boyfriend’s head close and gave him a peck on his forehead.

The archer put his hands lightly on James’ waist and buried his face into his shoulder. “Can we go home now?”

James wrapped his arms gently around Clint before he replied. “Only if you can keep a distance from troubles.” Somehow, the archer sensed what had been told without hearing and looked up with his wistful eyes but stayed silent. “Come on.” James held Clint’s hand to lead the way to the door. He was so exhausted that he couldn’t believe it was still ten in the morning.

They were about to get inside the building when Clint stopped dead and turned James with accusing look on his face for a reason he couldn’t quite recall. “What?”

“Where’s my breakfast?” was the Clint’s answer.

James got completely dumbfounded and stared at his boyfriend. After the man had passed through so many dangers that was enough for a life of a normal person in an hour and all he was worrying about was his breakfast? And the most importantly, the main reason James didn’t have it was because of _him_.

”Fuck you, Barton.” There was no one who could blame him for being rude in this situation so he chose the simplest words.

Dating a human tragic disaster sucked.


End file.
